When my former dance teacher and I went our separate ways last August I had a choice to make. I could move on with my art/dance or let it die. I didn't spend a lot of time with the choice. Long before things went sour last August I had been working with Estee Zakar once or twice a month. She is such an awesome teacher and the whole Denver area is so lucky to have her with us.
It is hard for men in pole dance. Coed is almost never an option in most pole studios. I resigned myself to working on the technical aspects of pole moves and combinations privately with Estee and concentrating on ballet. No more spring showcase. No more audience. No more taking up space and no more weaving in between the poles trying to land jumps.
For the last two months that is what I have been doing. Very structured ballet and getting used to Estee's 45 mm chrome X-Pole. (I had never been on chrome before I started working with Estee.) I love the way Estee breaks things down and she is very organized. She challenges me. I love the push. I left every lesson sweaty, bruised and happy to be on a pole once a week again. But deep down not being able to dance was eating me up inside. I love the pole tricks but if you follow my blogs you know that I have to dance. Dance lets me get things out in the open that I bottle up inside. I have been carrying a lot of hurt around the past few months.
Finally on the 20th of this month I just had to dance. I asked Estee if we could set aside five minutes at the end so that I could freestyle. It would be the first time that I danced for her. Without hesitation she said yes.
It was totally awesome. I drove home feeling like I could breathe again. Estee encouraged me to think about performing and she loved the ballet style that I use in transitions. It was kind of like that first date after my divorce. I felt like a dancer again.
On the 23rd of October Sasha Viers, the owner of Boulder Spirals pole studio in Boulder, Colorado invited me up to a Halloween pole jam scheduled for last night. I was really excited about meeting a new group of dancers and polling in a local studio. I would have just enough time to eat after dancing with Estee.
There was a video that I watched on YouTube that upset me quite a bit after following a ballet/pole friends Facebook web page Saturday morning the 27th. The dance video with me in it has since been taken down. Every time I feel like "that" dance is behind me, someone digs it up and pours acid in the wound. As I poured my second cup of coffee I knew that when I danced with Estee later it was going to be freestyle. I needed to dance. I needed to cry. I didn't care if I polished or learned a
single pole trick.
Estee asked me to bring a video camera to my lesson and we taped. My last dance of the day is on my Facebook page. Estee and I talked and she complimented my extension, open shoulders and lines. I had to
acknowledge my former teacher. She taught me lines and letting go of the passion that makes being a dancer special. She was the one who constantly reminded me about carriage, extension, and owning the
stage. After we danced Estee and I talked about performing again and being in a studio where I could take up space. After over two months I got my dance back.
Then I was off to Boulder Spirals. Sasha
has coed spin pole classes and another group of women who welcome men into their pole world. I'm almost certain that I am going to the big
Midwest Competition next year.
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