This afternoon someone told me that I was saying things that needed to be said in the pole world. That my writing added something special. Then I got a post on my Facebook page from a friend at Midwest and she said that my ears should be burning because she and a world class pole dancer (one of my teachers) were enjoying a conversation about me and my crazy life. Sooo... I give you my day and a beginning.
Today the alarm went off reminding me that I had ballet class at 9:00. I
didn't shut it off and go back to sleep. I took a shower and went to
class. It was tough. Picking up the pieces of broken dreams and friendships is painful. Looking in that mirror again hurt. So many memories. So much invested and lost. But every
now and then I hit a line or move and I noticed how much I had grown as a
dancer.
In my graduate school program you got two tries to pass your
comprehensive qualifiying exam for the doctoral program. When I took my
MS comps I passed first time with the second highest score in my class.
The first time I took my PhD comps my overconfident ass failed. That
hurt. Twenty years later and I'm still doing research. When shit goes
bad we can sit on the floor, cry and quit or we can figure out what we
did that caused the failure, pick our damaged butt off the floor and try
to walk.
So I danced today and now I have blogged. I haven't touched a pole yet.
I'm probably going to have to sit on the floor and cry a little bit
before I grab it and pull myself up off the ground.
When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power. ~ Hugh White
P.S. My father is Spanish and my mother is Italian. I have a temper from hell and sometimes I can be emotional. Maybe that is why I dance. Dancers show emotion. We have a story to tell.
The Fluffy Nature Goddess Update
4 weeks ago
I can't comment about the impact of your blog on the 'pole world' but I can say that I hope you will keep posting. Nor can I say anything regarding the event that has been so devastating to you - I don't know what it was and don't need to know. But I hope that you can come to an accommodation with that event and keep sharing your thoughts with your friends, who want to support you if you'll give them the chance.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to see you posting and dancing again. Will continue to send you positive thoughts and I hope that dance helps you heal through pain you are feeling.
ReplyDeleteHey Kiki and Chuck. Thanks for your kindness and support. I'm back into it. The more I reflect on things the more I know that change no matter how unpleasant it can be leads to growth. I'm new to dance and what it means. I remember what you told me after I got the reviews back from my first submission to the scientific journals. You read the reviews, get pissed, set it aside for awhile and then you fix it. There have been a lot of reviews since that one and a few rejections. It will be the same in dance. Dance is life.
ReplyDelete"I have spent all my life with dance and being a dancer. It's permitting life to use you in a very intense way. Sometimes it is not pleasant. Sometimes it is fearful. But nevertheless it is inevitable" Martha Graham