Dance Music

I just checked my birth certificate and sure enough it says that I am in my early fifties. So it's no wonder that the music I choose to pole dance to is a little dated. I have been making up playlists for a year now and every time I add a song I figure that someone is going to laugh and when I watch the best of the best on YouTube I sure as hell don't expect to see my favorites being danced to by Althea Austin and Karol Helms.

My first WTF came about four months ago. I'm a total Seether fan and I had just added "The Gift" to a playlist and planned to bring it in to the studio for freestyle. Next day my friend posts an awesome interpretation of the song on her Facebook page. She wasn't happy with it and deleted it but I saw it and I loved her dance. There goes The Gift. Last year I danced to Mazzy Star's "Five String Serenade" at a Showcase and had "Fade Into You" on all my playlists. In early January I got a notice on YouTube that REDKE71 (Karol Helms) had posted a new clip. You guessed it.. Fade Into You. Gorgeous. I posted a link to her YouTube video on my Facebook page.

About a month ago I created a playlist for a private lesson. On that playlist I had the Cowboy Junkies cover of Lou Reed's "Sweet Jane". I've been doing that song for at least two months. About half an hour ago I was checking out Althea Austin's YouTube Channel. I clicked on one of her recent clips and guess what? Yup. Sweet Jane.

Just when you figure that you are so old that you are once again original you find yourself wondering, WTF? I did Mazzy Star's "Fade Into You" at this years open house. When I get the clip posted on YouTube I will make sure that everyone knows that the best version belongs to Karol.

Keep Dancing (Published on the Pole Dance Shop Blog)

Pole dancing is for women. Men who dance outside of social situations are gay.

In the last month I have witnessed a few examples of this kind of thinking. There are many pole dance studios here in the United States that right up front exclude men. A man recently commented on a friend's Facebook page that pole dancing is a style of dance that is for women. He went on to say that it doesn't matter how well men can execute the moves. They will never look good on the pole. My dance teacher taught in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico recently and also found that men are not allowed in pole dance classes.

Male pole dancers face some interesting challenges. We find ourselves excluded by the same people who want to show the world that pole dancing is a sensual, athletic dance form that is not about stripping. I also find it interesting that when it becomes known that a man dances artistically, questions about his sexual preference are more often than not raised. In a search of Amazon.com I found books that examine the relationship between a man's sexuality and dance in a few keystrokes.

Prejudice. What is it that makes people uncomfortable when men dance outside of social situations? The best dancers put it all on the line when they dance. As Baryshnikov once said, "Dancers are stripped enough onstage. You don't have to know more about them than they've given you already." When a man dances he opens himself up and shows you his body, and his emotions. The feminist movement redefined the roles women can play in our society. What about men? Are we still dealing with a dominant/submissive power dynamic? Is showing the world our emotions and bodies submissive and effeminate? I think the key to understanding the prejudice aimed toward men who dance depends on the answers to these questions.

A man crosses a lot of boundaries when he steps up and grabs a dance pole. As a society we seem incapable of seeing men as emotional and sensual beings. Men are stereotyped as providers and defenders of the nest. We are football, basketball, soccer, baseball, ice hockey, testosterone, snails and puppy dog tails. If you are male and want to pole dance you have to be totally at peace with your sexuality and masculinity because you are going to see some raised eyebrows when some of your family and friends find out that you love swinging around a "stripper pole".

Men can pole dance. The way we express ourselves at the pole enhances the breadth and beauty of the dance. It also brings us in touch with a side of ourselves that we repress because we do not question the rigid roles men are expected to play in our society. As I see it the only way past the prejudice is to keep dancing.

Male Pole Dancers With Female Significant Others

How many male pole dancers out there have a female significant other in their life? I probably don't have to tell you that it takes a special woman to let you go out and dance in a studio full of female pole dancers. I am married to one of those special women. After seventeen years of marriage I'm sure that my wife figured that she had seen it all. Then one Saturday afternoon I had a conversation with a pole dance instructor and scheduled a pole dancing lesson. Her only words were, "You really are going to do it aren't you?"

You don't have to think real hard about how the most secure woman in the world could become a little intimidated by the thought of her SO swinging around a dance pole in a studio full of women. There aren't many male pole dancers in my hometown. How many guys? One. Like it or not I am the odd one. Every dancer in the studio knows about Bob the pole dancer even if they haven't danced with me.

In a typical class at my studio we do a warm up to get our bodies ready for the pole maneuvers we are going to learn, a demonstration/practice period, and at the end of the lesson a time is set aside for freestyle dance. We pick dance music, find a pole and dance. We do what ever we want once the music starts. The only thing that Bob doesn't do is hip circles during warm up and I will not dance to Pink's "U + Ur Hand". *grin*

I go to the studio to learn how to dance. The women I dance with are wonderful. They are fun loving, supportive and respectful. I have never felt uncomfortable and no matter how expressive a dancer may be during freestyle, what happens during freestyle stays at the studio. What bonds the dancers together is the love of the dance.

Pole dancing is artistic, sensual and sometimes erotic. What are some of the things that the male pole dancer can do to keep his SO's imagination from running away at warp speed? If your studio has an open house and she is brave like my wife, bring her along. Meeting the real women you dance with will help put to rest the perception that she might have about all the perfect runway models that dance with you. Try to get her on the pole. I have failed miserably at all my attempts to get my wife on the pole but it is worth a try. Learn to send text messages or call if the class runs late or you get caught up in a good conversation after dance class. I had a near death experience one night and have learned the pick up the phone tip the hard way.

Finally, have some understanding and listen carefully to the things she is saying to you if she has an insecure moment. It is not easy being in a relationship with a male pole dancer.

Sexy?

So I'm sitting here with the Arnica thinking to myself that today's dance lesson was a tough one. I spent a lot of time inverting on my weak side and I have the bruises to prove it. :)

My teacher has encouraged me to keep on writing about pole dancing and what I learn from dancing. Right now I am coming to realize that men can also be effected by the sexual side of the dance (or at least I am). There is a body acceptance, feeling attractive side of the dance that I have been ignoring but I can't keep ignoring it. Fellow dancer planted the seed, another teacher made the comment that men can be sexy when they pole dance, (My wife drools on Baryshnikov in old episodes of Sex in the City) and a funny thing happened at the dentists office last week.

The wallpaper on my Blackberry is also my current FB profile picture of me on the pole. When I was sitting in the dentists chair waiting for the dentist to check me out after my cleaning last week I was sitting there with my phone wondering if I had time to send a text message to my wife about dinner. The female dental hygienist came up behind me and saw the picture on my phone.

Hygienist: Is that you?

Me: Yes it is.

Hygienist: Nice legs.

Pole dancing comes in layers. There is the dance that you see at clubs, the dance you see that is almost entirely pole tricks, and then there is the dance that women like Karol Helms, Amber Richard, JK, Althea Austin, etc do.

I have just unpeeled another layer and I'm still processing it along with the bruises that came with me adjusting my angel and reverse angel and trying to hold it as long as I could.

The next song I freestyle to is going to be Eric Clapton's "I Wanna Make Love to You" I've done it for my wife. It felt good. My teacher wants me to make up a new playlist of more suggestive stuff. What the hell. I'm not getting any younger.

Things That I Didn't Consider When I Decided to Pole Dance

There are some distinct challenges that a male pole dancer faces. Some of them are serious and some of them are funny.

One of the first things I became aware of when I started dancing was the way some of the women I dance with always added, "and he's straight" when they talked about me. There is an implicit assumption operating that only a gay guy would pole dance. It's a cultural thing. The only thing a male pole dancer can do about any kind of labeling is to keep on dancing. Men who really want to pole dance need to understand "Sticks and Stones". One of my favorite Baryshnikov quotes is, "I am not the first straight dancer or the last."

My next challenge was the impact it had on my relationship with my wife. You don't have to think real hard about how the most secure woman in the world could become a little intimidated by the thought of her significant other swinging around a dance pole in a studio full of women. I had a near death experience the first time I was late getting home from the studio and I didn't call to let my wife know that class was running late. There were a couple of things that came together that helped ease the tension between my wife and I. She attended the studio open house and met the wonderful women that dance with me. Watching the women dance, getting a chance to meet with them and getting to know them really made a difference. I also learned to call home sooner rather than later. I think that helped the most.

The family challenge. I mentioned in an earlier blog post here that the wallpaper on my Blackberry is a picture of me on the pole. Last year my dad got sick and I was sitting next to my brother in the emergency room. Without thinking I pulled out my phone and started to feed my Facebook addiction. The next words I heard were, "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" I put my phone back in my pocket and said, "Whatever you thought it was." The subject has never come up again. I'm not about to try and explain why a middle aged man would want to pole dance to my family. I'm sure my Mom and Dad don't know and I would like to keep it that way. I dealt with the family challenge by not dealing with it. Sorry. I know I caved.

Finally, to shave or not to shave. There is a funny YouTube video where a guy is doing tricks on his girlfriends pole and they decide that his hairy legs are causing him problems. So off they go to the bathroom and he shaves his legs. My experience is that bare legs work better. The more bare skin I get on the pole the better I stay up. My only secret is that I have my legs waxed. Please don't tell my mom or my brother.

Tyranny of the Mirror

"The mirror shows the impossibility of perfection. And thus a curious intimacy was born: I was constantly sharping, changing, improving, and restyling myself, while the mirror - cold and constant sat in judgement, like God." ~ Toni Bentley - The Surrender


Eventually you look up and see yourself. My pole dance studio doesn't have mirrors but my ballet studio does. The first thing you notice is the unforgiving, floor to ceiling oracle. The video camera becomes the mirror for me on the pole. There is this strange disconnect in dance. We are told not to think about it. Be free. Dance. Empowerment.  Discover our inner self. Get in touch with our bodies.

But then there are the corrections, bruises, slipping, and practicing the same moves over and over again trying to get it perfect. When you move on the pole never have a flexed foot. Ballet... "When the foot leaves the floor it is pointed." Don't wing. Don't sickle. There isn't enough Lithium or Invega on the planet to fix this bipolar tug of war over a dancers heart.  There is even more anxiety hidden in the polished quartz. When we look beyond technique we also peer deeper into the darkness. We see the extra weight, extra wrinkles, a bit of grey, big thighs, skinny calves, funny hair.

The truth of the matter is that we are all looking for something when we come to dance whether we know it or not. In the last year I have come to understand Claire Griffin Sterrett and George Balanchine. There are times when the Zen is right and you know you look good in that God-like mirror. And then there are the times when you hurt and the mirror kicks you when you are down. It is then that Claire and George's appeals to beauty, sexuality and art come up wanting.

We dance in anger. We dance in pain, We dance in joy. Dance is like life. Thinking otherwise is to live in denial because we cannot dance forever.

Studio Open House 2011

Last night I danced in my third open house recital. Every May the pole dance studio where I dance has an open house where every level from beginner to advanced gets a chance to show their family and friends what the dance is all about. The first two years have been semi-traumatic for me. I’m the lone guy among thirty or so wonderful women.

This year was different. When my time to perform came up I was nervous to be sure but I wasn’t on the edge of panic. Strangely enough I have ballet dance to thank for that. It all started near the end of last summer when my pole dance teacher took my Mazzy Star and Tori Amos away from me and played Shubert’s Ave Maria and told me to do something with it. I think she has a bit of Jerome Robbins hidden in her somewhere. :-)

I’m sure it was awkward as hell to look at but inside it moved something. Somewhere deep inside I have this great need for structure and order and somehow my guts got connected with my legs and arms. After I finished the song my teacher and I talked and she suggested that I look at companies in Denver where I could learn modern or ballet. The mere thought of ballet scared the crap out of me. The thought of a fifty-four year old slightly gray haired guy walking into the world of Gelsey Kirkland, George Balanchine and Dancing on My Grave, gave me chills. I did the polite nod and shake my head knowing that I wanted my Mazzy Star back as soon as I could get my Ipod plugged back into the studio sound system.

The end of summer also marks the end of summer ice hockey and while I was getting the mandatory deep tissue massage that keeps a guy my age playing I mentioned that my pole dance teacher wanted me to “cross-train” and that ballet was one of her suggestions. My massage therapist just lit up. Her daughter is a “bunhead” and she told me about a local company in Broomfield, Colorado that had a professional company, a student company, and beginning adult classes. Ballet Nouveau. If you have read my earlier account of my: will I, won’t I, call the pole dance studio and talk with someone you probably know how this story played out.

In mid October I found myself standing at the barre not knowing a plié from a waltz step. I’m a hockey player. I skate like I walk, probably better. I was so lost. It was worse than the pole studio. My first pole lessons were in private and now I was surrounded by women. The class was supposed to be Fundamentals of Ballet but nearly every woman in that class had at one time or another taken ballet lessons. They were coming back to something that they knew and I can tell you that once you are a ballet dancer the steps live in you forever. Even the language is a killer. My second language is Spanish and “de” isn’t “duh”. I was learning a whole new terminology along with a trip back in time to a place that according to Jennifer Holmans author of Apollo’s Angels, no longer exists.

Thank God for my teacher. She is a former professional ballet dancer. She knows the steps, the mental anguish, the physical pain, and how to sew the elastic straps into a ballet shoe. She also understands the sheer beauty and peace that comes with the dance. By November I had given up the sweats and made the transition to a dance belt and tights. The male company members were all so kind and helpful. The little girls still always greet me with a bit of a quizzical look but I am just as home at the barre as I am at the pole.

I’m terrible at ballet but getting better. I tend to over think it and my fifth looks like fourth but it has given me a way to move and transition at the pole that is truly mine. I don’t do pole fitness. I’m a pole dancer and ballet has given me a way to connect the dots in a way that most men won’t touch. I’m tracing the lines of Elena Gibson, Amber Richard, and my teacher without pointe shoes.

You are never really sure if something is going to work until an audience sees it and this past weekend was it. For weeks I had been playing with choreography to Patti Scialfa’s song Spanish Dancer. As much as I like the song I was burning out on it and probably most important my wife really doesn’t like Patti’s singing. Carol was going to be at the Open House. I wanted my dance to have music she liked.

So I fell back on a song that I love but deemed too long for the program. Hans Zimmer’s A Way of Life from the Last Samurai movie soundtrack. The closer I got to May 14, 2011 the more I wanted to back out. I was working between static pole and spinning pole in my routine and trying to make it flow. My moves seemed too simple and Amber Richard had only finished introducing me to spinning pole in March. The only new move I had was the “jade” and spinning a sideways climb on a static pole. What I didn’t know I had was arabesque, balancé, degagé, shoulders open, a decent support leg, and knowing the count.

Open house rehearsal was Friday the 13th. How perfect. I have never felt so good about my dance. It was about the pole but I wasn’t glued to it like I would fall down if it went away. I loved having the space between the poles. I also had a story to tell. A story about warriors, kata, mind set, humility, duty, honor and accepting the sword. Accepting a way of life that the ancient samurai understood just as well as the soldier stationed with the 10th Mountain Division in Afghanistan understands today.

The reception I got from the women at rehearsal was awesome. It was genuine. The best compliment I received was, "You told a story." Last night all the way up until I stepped up to the pole and let the music wash over me I was calmer than I have ever been before a performance. I started with my feet in third, and held my arms in preparation. From there I danced on the floor away from the poles and then came back to them. The poles weren’t slippery, I seemed to be able to hold my inversions just the right amount of time before I hooked and I landed a jade that felt pretty damn good. I hope that muscle memory kept my lines elegant and the “ugly” foot (as Amber calls it) out of sight. The applause and comments afterward made it one of those nights that will live forever. After every recital I always say never again. This time I’m just going to shut up about it and dance until next May.

People have asked me why I chose to be a dancer. I did not choose: I was chosen to be a dancer, and, with that, you live all your life. ~ Martha Graham